A Few Days Later

After the shock, the anguished feelings of despair, the teary eyed sorrow filled feelings comes the reality of loss. I mentioned this yesterday, but I am really feeling it today. I am not worried about what is going to happen to her, about the Spirit World, or anything of the sort. I know where she is(to some degree) and am comforted in that knowledge--that doesn't assuage the feeling of loss. That is what I feel now. It a sort of emptiness, kinda like when you lose a tooth and you can't stop playing with the empty space. There is a void and we can all feel it.

Janalynn was always close to Bonnie. My first real memory is when we all piled into Bonnie's maroon car and journeyed to Star Valley. It was before we were married. The weather was terrible, it was snowing, and I was a tad worried about getting there, and I was the one doing the driving. We had a good time and I got to meet Grandma Kennington. She passed away a few months or so later. It was a fun trip. We actually got stuck on the way to my mission president's home in Moran. I had to run a mile or so to his house while everyone else froze in the car. Kailey screamed and went on about how we were going to die. Pres. Grant rescued us and warmed us in his home. That trip was a bond all of us shared, we have since laughed about the situations, but all of us had a good time. My last real memory of her is of her coming and visiting about a week or so ago. We all talked for a while and then her and Janalynn supposedly took a load to the DI, after an hour or so I knew what was really going on and called them. Bonnie answered, I told her to get me something from wherever they were eating. She laughed and then asked if I wanted to come, before I could really respond she said "Too Bad" and started that laugh of hers.

I had really only felt at peace and comforted until today, today it started to hit me that she is gone for good. Reality can really stink sometimes. But that is life, my mission president always said it is about making good memories. And really he is right, when it is all said and done, that is all we really have--memories, some good, some bad--it is up to us to make sure we have more of the good. That's one thing you can say about Bonnie, she was exceptional at making good memories.