Teaching is a weird thing. There is nothing quite like the student-teacher relationship. There is a sense of ownership for both parties-'he is my student' or 'she is my teacher' or 'I am in Mr. Fawson's 4th period class'. For me the end of the year is an awkward time. Sure I like the summer off. My uncle once said that the best three things about teaching are 'June, July, and August.' It is definitely nice to have some time to refocus and recharge, but that's not why I got into teaching.
For me there is a sense of emptiness when I close up my room. As a ninth grade teacher I realize that 'my' students will be gone, most to never be heard or seen again. And while I am happy for some to fit into that category, there are others that I admittedly have a hard time seeing depart. I tell me students that life is a journey and that this step is now over, never to able to traverse again. I also say that if there isn't a pang or sting of sadness in departing then 'you did it wrong'. With every step along the way there should be some remorse of loss else you weren't invested or involved enough--you didn't do your best or you didn't care.
I guess its that last point that gets me. I do care. It is what me makes me who I am as well as good at what I do. It is why I feel the sting of disappointment as I lock up my empty room. Now I know I'll get over it, I always do. And as soon as we go live at the end of August I will be ready to go. But I have to admit that first day when I look out at my fourth period and don't see the same faces I will feel that pang of sadness.
Life has thrown me a few curveballs and I guess that is why I understand the importance of making good memories and enjoying the journey. I also understand the finality of the end. Everything we do we will at some point do it for a final time and then it will be over. Its why the journey is so important-we can't do any of it over, we can't live for empty tomorrows, we have to live in the moment. And really live at that. I have a lot of great memories from the year. I think that is why I am feeling the way I am now. It was a great year and because it was such, I should feel a little bit of sorrow if I didn't then I would have done it wrong.
2 comments:
What a great post!! You must be an awesome teacher.
You are an awesome teacher!
For the first time since I started teaching, I didn't feel any sadness for the end of the year. I couldn't wait to dump all these students onto someone else and now I know why. I didn't put any of myself into this year. I worked hard and it was draining and I HATED it! I didn't think I had hate in me, but apparently I do :)
I enjoy reading your blog, it always lifts me up like you used to do for me at school. You've got a knack for that with people. I'm excited to start a new year and I will definitely do better! thanks!
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