Self Deception

A few years ago my bishop told me about this book that changes your perspective on life. I picked it up from the library, read some, was real busy, and it ended up being due before I got done. I revisited this book Monday on the advice from another teacher and read it in three hours. Yeah it is short. First off I wonder why I didn't finish it the first time, nonetheless it made me reevaluate everything I do and how I get along or don't get along with others.

Truth be told I am pretty easy to get along with. Another teacher once told me that if someone can't get along with me they can't get along with anyone. I'd like to think that is the case. But there are times when I struggle; at home with Janalynn, or with the kids(especially Kelsey--nothing worse than an 8th grade girl--that is our saying at school and at home), with students, coworkers, and other family. And after reading the book I realize that it is all my fault. Let me explain:

What Self Deception is in a nutshell is that we don't see ourself as the problem. Yet we are the very problem, the very reason there is conflict is because of ourself. If a baby is learning how to crawl and wedges itself between the furniture and is stuck what the baby tries to do is thrash around which only exacerbates the problem. Yet if the baby could talk it would say the furniture is the problem. The baby doesn't see that what it is thinking is helping is actually making it worse, much worse. That is Self Deception. And all of us do it.

One of the things I really liked is that everything was pinned back on the individual. Even if they felt that others were at fault, and indeed may have been, it is up to us to fix the situation, not them. Wow! All of my problems are my own and most of what I think I am doing to fix the problems actually makes them worse. Wow! Was this enlightening or what? I wasn't glum in fact I was glad to know that I could fix all my problems with others because it is all on me.

I told a coworker I had just read the book, she said her husband read it and afterwards their marriage improved.

I will be candid here. Kelsey has been extremely hard to deal with this past year. She is selfish and completely self absorbed and can't see past the nose on her face most of the time. Now this bothers me and Janalynn as it would anyone else, however, after reading this I can see where I am a big problem here. I look for reasons to combat with her, when I should be looking for what she does well. I have blamed her and made her a scapegoat yet this only makes the problems worse. The book would say I am 'in the box' and guilty of collusion. The great thing is I think I can fix a lot the problems we have because I am in charge of what I do. Of course there is more to it than that and the book goes into a great more detail. It kinda goes at the saying you can't take the mote out of someone's eye until you take the beam out of your own.

I would absolutely recommend this book to anyone, even if you are good with people and have good relationships you can still improve on them and this really helps. I'd say I'd lend you my copy but it is already being used by my principal to see if we should use at the school for the teachers for summer reading. My guess is we will be reading it.