May 1st, 1994

I decided to do something different today and look up an old journal entry to see what happened May 1st when I was out in New Zealand. I need to say a few things here: I have a journal entry for everyday of mission. I really believed in doing it, that is one reason I believe in blogging, it is my journal. It was nice to know that I could look up a specific day and have an entry for it. Secondly, I have to explain that on Dec 29th I left to the Auckland, New Zealand mission and spoke English, that is until April 22nd. On that day my life changed forever, that day I was put into the Samoan program. It was a great experience to look back on, but it was frustrating to not be able to understand or speak, in fact here is the first line directly from my journal of May 1st

"Another Sunday of no understanding..."

As I reread those lines I can remember how it was to not know anything of what was going on. It was not easy.

Interestingly enough May 1st 1994 was a day in which I had one of those life changing experiences. As I reread the entry I could vividly remember what happened that day. I would even say it was one of the five most memorable events of my entire mission.

I am confident by nature, but being the only white person in a chapel full of 300 Samoans and not being able to really communicate or understand was not only frustrating, but unsettling as well. I felt out of place. Sure the people were nice, but we all knew I was different. There could be no getting past that, at least not in the beginning.

From the journal:

"Today being fast and testimony meeting I got up and bore my testimony in Samoan. The Bishop asked if that is what I would do. So I introduced myself in English and read my testimony in Samoan."

My companion wrote the testimony and we practiced it the night before, I thought I had it down alright, but looking back that was awfully naive that after a week or so I would be able to actually give a decent testimony in another language. In all truthfulness it was terrible. And like I mentioned before this was one of the 5 most memorable events from my mission. Here is why:

As I spoke and stumbled over words, people in the audience smiled, giggled, and even laughed. Now I can honestly say that none of this was mean or malicious, well I should say I can say that now, but up on that stand that destroyed my confidence. In fact I have never felt like more of a failure or more alone. Already I felt inadequate, but this was too much. Even as I am typing I can remember that pain. I said Amen and then rushed to my seat. My companion was gracious enough, however, I wasn't in the mood. I put my head in my hands and cried to myself. I was overwhelmed with despair and ready to give it all up.

I will say that if that was all that had happened this event would have only made the top ten. Luckily it wasn't.

The meeting ended and I just wanted to run out of the building. I was humiliated and didn't want to see anyone. It was then that this middle aged Samoan with a big old afro grabbed hold of me. I can still picture him in my mind. I still remember his name, Brother Ioane Petelo (Ioane=John). He held out his arm and grabbed my hand and looked me straight in the eyes. They were full of compassion and charity, they were full of love. He introduced himself and thanked me for baring my testimony and then told me he loved me. As low as I had felt a few minutes ago I felt that much higher. As we continued to walk through the congregation, everyone expressed similar feelings to me, and all thanked me for baring my testimony and said they were glad to have me in the ward.

I can't really put into words how important this experience was to me. It changed everything at a time when I thought about quitting. I was able to learn the language real fast. I was fully determined to do my very best and knew if I did I would be blessed.

At the end of my entry I wrote some goals. I will include them here.

#1 Pay attention no matter what
#2 Read the Samoan Book of Mormon out loud
#3 Become Samoan
#4 Work 1st Play 2nd
#5 Pray and Study hard
#6 Have Unconditional Love
#7 Write down words I don't know

So anyhow there you have it, a trip down memory lane. I had no idea when I decided to do this that it would be such a transcendent day from my mission and really, my life. All I can think of right now is Bro. Petelo's image. I will forever remember him for what he did. He will never really know the impact that exchange had on me. I imagine that all of us have such experiences where the other person probably doesn't realize the impact have on us. I guess that is why like the saying goes, "It's nice to be important, but its more important to be nice." We can never really know the effect for positive or negative we can have on others. All the more reason to keep a smile on your face.